See, what happened was...

It all started when I was invited to a Jimmy Buffett concert in Gulf Shores, AL by a good friend of mine. Little did I know it would turn into an experience made for a movie. I say that because if it was a 'reality' TV show, people would have thought I made it up. Why would this picture show me in New Orleans with the Mounted Patrol horse drinking my Long Island Iced Tea? Funny you should ask...

See, what happened was thanks to my part time job I can get pretty good discounts on lots of things. This includes hotels. We figured, it would only be a few hours to drive to New Orleans and we got an awesome room at an awesome price, so why not? I figured the way I see it, I work a full time job and a part time job. All work and no play makes Teresa a bitch. After my little sister visited for a few days, we got up Saturday morning packed up, boarded Rocko and headed out. Here's a run down of my personal drama and know that it was only TWO and a half days long. Yes...all of this happened in TWO and a half days.

DAY ONE

Lambert's
We all pick our battles and I gave in to this one. No need to fight when you are confined to a vehicle for 10 hours. Lambert's is a restaurant in Foley, AL. Well out of our way since we were going to New Orleans but it was a MUST according to the 3 out of 4 people in my family. They wouldn't know about Lambert's if it wasn't for the Travel Channel listing it as the #1 place to pig out. Being in Foley, we were only like 20 minutes away from my good friend in Gulf Shores but alas, after having rolls (YES like as in bread) thrown at us and gorging on the most unhealthy food anyone can eat, we continued on to New Orleans.

The Storm
Once we got back on to I-10 west bound, a storm came and I was driving. I swear I drove through a tornado. EVERYONE had to pull over because no one could see thanks to the massive swirling down pour of rain and lightning strikes.

New Orleans
For some reason, I missed my exit for the hotel. I had a wonderful non-exit missing trip the entire time. I ended up having to drive through New Orleans and not the parts you want to visit. That's when I heard some loud music. I was stopped at a traffic light and look in my side mirror. I was confused because it was a black school bus. As it pulled up the doors opened and this guy in a thong started gyrating his hips to the beat as the strobe lights in the bus flashed. It was the most awesome thing I had seen on the trip so far. To hell with throwing rolls at me. I almost threw some money at him.

We got to the hotel and valet parked because I wasn't even about to take stuff out of the van and went to our room. After relaxing for a bit, we (as in my husband and I) decided to walk the French Quarter obviously spending time on Bourbon St. We walked over to Harrah's Casino because it was in the direction we were going and only two blocks away.

Harrah's Casino
I walked in and gave them some money. They teased me and gave some back. I gave them back some money and this went back and forth. Broke even and got the hell out.

Bourbon Street
Awesome, awesome, awesome. Did I say awesome? If not, just know it is awesome! We had a great time and I let go of my anger of the roll throwing tornado driving good times we had on the way down. New Orleans is wonderful. After having a great time we were on the way back to the hotel and met some interesting people. One was a lady passing out free beer. Why? It was her birthday. She was even giving it to people passed out in doorways. She walked with us for a while talking about Chicago and a man walked by and joined our group. He took some beer and gave us his story too. He had just been released from prison the week before. He was locked up for 13 years. Now, we didn't ask what he did but the drunk lady said, "Man, what ever you did, don't do it again!" He said, "No way! I ain't going back. I miss looking at a lady and having my freedom." It was good times.

DAY TWO

Who Dat?
I have often wondered why the New Orleans Saints would want to yell, "Who Dat?". Were they trying to be ghetto? It seems they weren't trying too hard if you were near the projects. That's where I ended up when we went to visit a cemetery. Walking about a block away, I heard a woman in a house coat, sitting on an upside down milk crate on her porch (for real in the projects...how the hurricane didn't knocked that down, I'll never know). She yells, 'WHO DAT? OH HELL! DAT'S JUST RALPH AND HIS TRIFLING ASS ALWAYS TRYING TO START SHIT.'

Biloxi, MS
We stopped at a beach and enjoyed the beautiful beaches and tar balls. This was after the van pretty much stopped running for the second time. The code given was saying the MAP SENSOR was bad. I said, "There must be a reason for this. I'm going with the flow but what would cause 2 MAP sensors to go bad on one trip? What is it hooked up to?" (I know, give me a break. I don't know crap about this kind of stuff). This added about 2+ hours to our travel time making us later and later to Gulf Shores.

Mobile, AL
This is where we wanted to stop and take the kids to the USS Alabama. Due to time restraints, see above, we continued on.

Gulf Shores, AL
We made it! We made it very late but we made it. My friends were nice enough to leave a door unlocked with our tickets inside. We rushed to catch a shuttle and had to walk over a mile just to hear the last 2-3 songs of the Jimmy Buffett concert and they had stopped letting people in. I was drinking and texting and tripped on the sidewalk and jacked my knee up. The good part...I saw an alligator with creepy yellow eyes. We met up with my friends and went back to their place, jumped in the pool and relaxed. This was only after we made an attempt to get some 'local' pizza and missed it by their closing time by 5 minutes. After the pool, we decided on Pizza Hut. They didn't answer the phone so the guys drove down and guess what...they were like 5 minutes too late. They were closed. Domino's it was and at that point it was the best pizza I had ever eaten. Amy and I decided to go to Orange Beach even though it was dark but it was nice to get away from my family for a little while. We left out the next morning.

DAY TWO & 1/2

Interstate driving...
Once we were back on the interstate, the van had no more problems. It was a good trip home until we got into metro Atlanta. There was a huge storm we went through and just when the sun came out and we were close to home...

Car-B-Que
It was something about contaminated gas clogging up the catalytic converter and gas going into the exhaust system etc then back up pressure on the engine. It may possibly explain why we had the MAP sensor issues. It seems that when this happens, your vehicle fills full of smoke, your kids choke and you get the the side of the road and jump out. At least, that's what we did.

Then you become that 'stalled/possible vehicle fire on north bound on 400 at Abernathy causing delays'. That's what you don't want to hear. Thanks news helicopter for flying over and within minutes we had a 'HERO' truck come assist. The rest is tow truck and Midas history.


Yep, the rest is history including my good friend that helped us out by picking us up and meeting up with the tow truck.

Get this...I still went to work. I was 3 hours late but I went. I had to drive my husband's car. That says a lot about my work ethic...right?

Just Plain Crazy

With Easter upon us, I reflect on memories from my childhood as most do during special holidays. It all started this morning when I woke up at 6:00 a.m. after staying up until 2:00 a.m. I found myself slapping the snooze button and then I realized...I fell asleep with my hair wet, wrapped in a towel. At 6:30 I finally got up and walked into the bathroom to begin the process of my daily routine.


I flipped the light switch, squinted my eyes as I went blind only to open them to a horrific sight. I looked like a white Don King.



I brushed my teeth, washed my face and looked again. It was truly an eye opener. The added bonus was the wrinkled towel print on my face from where I obviously slept face down for a long time but I digress. As my day went on I realized a few things. I take that back. I decided to accept a few things. After going to lunch with two of my co-workers/friends, we had a detailed conversation that I'm sure intrigued the guy that sat next to us. It was about religion and would have been very offensive to most people. Ben, who is a Southern baptist, Wendy who is Catholic and myself who was brought up in a baptist church but often visited with the Church of the Nazarene as that was the church my father was raised in. The discussion began as Wendy was speaking about her son's friend and we thought, "That's a neat name". I went on to say that what ever you name your kids marks your kids for the rest of your life. My daughter is laid back and cool just like her first and middle name. My son, well he has no choice but to be serious and responsible as his name is Elijah. I mean, he was named after a prophet. A prophet that brought fire from the sky and raised the dead. Bless his heart. The discussion rolled into the subject of food and we decided...what a friend we have in cheeses. Then we were like Cheeses Christ!

We were having cheeseburgers so it should have been okay, because cheeses saves, right?

Back to the Easter issue. Wendy said we should have went to her place of worship during our lunch break. I was like...but you are Catholic. Ben swore he wouldn't have damnation inflicted upon him for going to a Catholic church. I told them both it was a middle management issue with Mary being the middle manager. Wendy tells Ben that Mary is going to kick his ass and I declare 'Thank God I'm Jewish'. The thing is, I'm not Jewish. So we laughed and continued on just as the guy next to us continued to listen to our conversation.

I went back to work after several antics and shenanigans and was offered a cupcake. It was an Easter cupcake. You can see the picture I've posted as that is the official cupcake that disturbed me. You see, I think it's more like a mini-grave for a clown. How can someone have such a sacred object of faith like a cross along with the Easter Lily on top of a festive pink icing and confetti styled cupcake? The commercialization of Easter, just like Christmas has gone beyond it's intended purposes. I understand the 'traditional' part of the fun. Think about it, Jesus didn't have Santa Claus or an Easter bunny so if you get down to the basics a lot of it has to do with the market value of non-Christian items (i.e. Easter baskets, chocolate bunnies, stockings, Christmas trees...etc).

I'm not going to lie, I ate pretty much all of the cupcake and saved the cross but damn...use an Easter Bunny next time Publix.

Stupid Should Hurt or be Taxed

I read somewhere that the internet doesn't make you stupid, it just makes your stupidity more accessible to others. As true as that statement is, I must say that experiencing first hand stupidity on a daily basis doesn't give me the option of closing out the page as if I was on line looking at a website. Some of the things I witness and endure are down right painful at times. Why am I the one that has to suffer from others stupidity? I suffer enough from my own...damn. With that being said, I can firmly say that stupid should hurt or be taxed. Anytime I've done something stupid, I've injured myself or cost myself money.

According to some brief research I have done, based on the current United States debt, it breaks down to almost $40,000 per citizen at an estimated overall cost of $12,000,000,000,000+ and growing by the minute. Now I think about it, stupid should NOT hurt. That would send people to the ER and they wouldn't have insurance or money thus costing all of us more in the end.

I say let's tax stupidity. Some people's stupid nature can resolve our national debit in a few months.


There seems to be a whole different kind of stupid out there that's scary more than anything. There are many times I find myself wanting to blurt out to people, "Are you fucking stupid?" Instead, being the ever so sweet Southern Belle that I am, I do refrain from such episodes of hostility. Well, at least I don't do it face to face in a public forum. Let me review some of the waste of time stupid things I alone have to deal with on a daily basis. I'm going to be nice and not list my husband on this because if he reads it, well, that would have just been stupid on my behalf and I'll leave it at that.

By way of background, I work two jobs in addition to being married and having two children. My full time job, as demanding as it is, is truly a test in patience. I work for a large orthopedic group and I handle coordinating workers compensation patients...etc. I deal with insurance companies, attorneys, injured patients and anyone else that wants to call me and say things like, "I had surgery two days ago and I'm constipated. What should I do?" So, being nice I say,"Was the surgery a result of a work related injury? It wasn't? Let me transfer you over to the medical assistant so they can help you."

What I really want to say is, "How is your post operative constipation related to a work related injury? While you were on hold for me did you not LISTEN to the prompts and understand that you were going to talk to the workers compensation coordinator? I understand your frustration as obviously the constipation has affected your hearing but you are wasting not just my time but anyone else that may be trying to call me. I would also appreciate if you listened closely to the prompts the next time and when I'm nice to you and inform you I'm unable to medically advise you on your backed up plumbing and that you should speak to a medical assistant, do not give a long angry sigh. That gets you nowhere but maybe on hold a little longer. I guess you've been holding it enough lately anyway so it shouldn't matter. So, don't be a douche bag, okay?"

Some of these people who are injured have me scratching my head sometimes. I sometimes find myself saying..."Wait, you did what????" I mean, I've had some people tell me stories that are freaking crazy about how they were injured. Getting beat up by a kangaroo, falling into an open grave before a service, being stuck by an embalming needle, on a K-9 police chase on foot and falling into a hole in the woods but the dog kept going...the list goes on and on.

Enough about that...on to the second job which is part time, RETAIL.
Not just retail but the largest retailer in the world. I'm sure you can figure it out. Regardless of if I'm working the service desk or a register, I'm as pleasant as I can be. This is a job that's more therapeutic for me than anything. I have fun and work off stress at the same time. I just want to list a few things from my stand point I think the common customer should know about Wal*Mart employees.

1. I probably make more money than you. It's true. I'm not saying this goes for all WM employees but I'm paid very well for what I do considering...

2. Not unlike myself, many people have what's referred to as 'real time' jobs. You know, full time jobs and work at WM part time or they go to school full time.

3. We think it's funny that customers 'hate shopping at WM' and keep coming back over and over.

4. I like to see snotty women with their LV handbags pull out 5 different declined credit cards to try and buy $200 worth of items. Seriously? Out of all of your credit cards, you don't even have $200 worth of credit but you have a Louis Vuitton bag? Oh, thanks lady! You just caused my line to back up and now there are pissed off people headed my way.

5. Don't get an attitude with me because you don't have a receipt and want something credited back to your card. You know the card you can't remember to bring with you and you don't know what day you purchased the item because you don't have your receipt.

6. Don't come to the service desk and be pissed you have to wait. You knew you were going to have to wait before you even walked in the door. Some transactions are smoother than others. It's been my experience that at least 90% of the time it's the customer in front of you that's the problem not the employee. If you have something to say, grow a pair and say it to them.

7. I love seeing my parking lot full when I come to work. Know why? Bonuses baby. Yes I get them every quarter, even as a part time employee. Guess what...I spend some of my paycheck buying stock out of every check.

8. To all of the regular customers that always thought they were all that and so much better than the average person and now have lost their homes and jobs and ask me if we are hiring...the answer is GET IN LINE.

9. I'm easy to get along with. I'm the one you want to see at the service desk. I'm the one you want to be checked out by. Just know, I can only help the next person as soon as the one in front of you gets the hell out of the way.

10. Don't stand there and be surprised when I inform you that you have to pay. Now I have to wait on you to dig around and find money...great. Look behind you stupid. Do you see all of those people waiting on YOU not ME?

Oh yeah, get your shit and leave. Don't stand around straightening up your wallet and piss ass around about getting your bags.

Also, when it comes to self check out...if you can't do it, don't bother. It's called SELF CHECK OUT. The machine will tell you what to do if you don't know. Don't talk to the machine because it doesn't give a damn about what you have to say nor do I. Don't get pissed because your kid is sitting where you should be bagging things and it causes the machine to alert the attendant. Have some common sense about it. Don't come try to check yourself out and think I'm picking up that TV stand that needs assembling to help you scan it. Don't come through and try to buy two carts full of items and get pissed it took so long. Remember...'self check out'. I'm monitoring four check outs and I don't have time to babysit stupid people.

What the Hell is Wrong with Some Women?

These are my personal views on this current situation. It's also my personal views on marriage, infidelity and so on...I judge no one for the choices they make.




Each and everyone of us have live with the choices we make no matter how minor in the overall scheme of things(such as what brand of tires to buy) to taking responsibility for our actions when it comes to relationship failures.

Really? Seriously? When I read the article about the woman that had an 8 1/2 year affair with a married man and then paid for billboards to be posted in major cities, I thought to myself, "What an idiot!"



How can you basically spend 8 1/2 years of your life with a married family man and then get pissed because he won't be with you? Let me get real for a minute on this...agree or disagree with me but facts are facts.



1. He was married when you started this thing!

2. He's what, 50? She's in her early 40's and wasted prime time for this guy.

3. The mistress is just stupid for posting billboards.

4. It's said she's spent about $250,000 on these billboards ($50,000 each)

5. I want to put a billboard up saying "Hey lady! He's not leaving his wife for you or he would have already. Get real and get a life! Even if he does leave her and gets with you, guess what? She's always going to be in the picture one way or another.
P.S. You are a dumb ass.


People have marital affairs. It's a fact. After almost a decade she should have gotten the picture if they were 'soul mates' as suggested on the billboards that he would have left his wife at some point. At least he admitted his affair in a public forum and was trying to be respectful enough to say that he did have the 8 1/2 year affair and it ended and they 'wished each other well'.

Not so much from what I see.

A jilted lover, yes but it's a different ballgame with you are a psychotic bitch.

She must have not thought about the repercussions of her actions or she'd never done this. I can see if she was lead to believe they'd have a future and that's one thing but after that long, she should have gotten the hint.

Some crazy psychotic women that can't get past things such as previous ex's of their current men..etc. Women need to get a grip and take control of their lives.

As a woman I can say the following:

1. You are the only person that can make yourself happy.
2. Don't depend on another person for your happiness.
3. For heaven's sake...DON'T get involved with a married man and then get mad if he doesn't leave his wife!
4. You know what they say about...why buy the cow when the milk is free
5. Where do you think that married man sleeps at night when he's not with you?
6. For the love of everything holy! If you decide you found your soul mate, put some sort of time limit on it! You know, if he doesn't divorce in the next X amount of time, I'm out of this relationship.

Then there is the trust issue. I know there are relationships that started as marital affairs that have lasted the test of time.

I don't know of any but I'm sure it's happened.

It'd play out like this:
Man: "Honey, I'm going to the store."

Woman: "Okay"

Five minutes later...

Woman: "I called your cell a minute ago and you didn't answer. Just thought I'd leave a message for you. Call me."

Fast forward...an hour later

Woman: "I've called you 27 times consecutively and you aren't answering! I know you are with HER! Why haven't you returned my calls? Are you too busy with someone else? Is it that chick from accounting with the short skirts? It must be the ex-wife playing the 'come see the kid' card. *blah blah blah blah*

Man: "Hey, I saw where you called but didn't listen to your messages yet. Are you okay? I didn't have a signal in the store for some reason..."

Woman: (thinks to herself..."I'm an idiot but do I believe he was so called in the store or do I let it go?")


It's a no win situation. After that long a woman would be an idiot to trust that man. We all have to do what we need to do to be happy. Life is too short to be miserable. After 8 1/2 years you would think she'd get the picture.

I did some research on infidelity and the different types. Here's what I found out:

Opportunistic Infidelity:

This type of infidelity occurs when a partner is in love and attached to a spouse, but succumbs to their sexual desire for someone else. Typically, this type of cheating is driven by situational circumstances or opportunity, risk-taking behavior, and alcohol or drug use. The more in love a person is with their spouse, the more guilt he/she will experience as a result of their sexual encounter. However, feelings of guilt tend to fade as the fear of being caught subsides.


Obligatory Infidelity:

This type of infidelity is based on fear. Fear that resisting someone's sexual advances will result in rejection. People may have feelings of sexual desire, love and attachment for a spouse, but still end up cheating because they have a strong need for approval. In addition, their need for approval can cause them to act in ways that are at odds with their other feelings. In other words, some people cheat, not because they want to cheat, but because they need the approval that comes along with a having the attention of others.


Romantic Infidelity:

This type of infidelity occurs when the cheater has very little emotional attachment to his/her spouse. They may be committed to their marriage and making it work but they long for an intimate, loving connection with a member of the opposite sex. More than likely their commitment to the marriage will prevent them from ever leaving their spouse. Romantic infidelity means pain for the other man/other woman and the cheating spouse.

Rarely does it turn into a long-term, committed relationship. Marital problems have to be quite severe before a spouse will leave the marriage for another person.<-big tip right here


Conflicted Romantic Infidelity:

This type of infidelity occurs when people experience genuine love and sexual desire for more than one person at a time. Despite our idealistic notions of having only one true love, it is possible to experience intense romantic love for multiple people at the same time. While such situations are emotionally possible, they are very complicated and tend to create a lot of anxiety and stress. In this case, cheating spouses, in their attempt not to cause anyone harm, often end up hurting everyone.


Commemorative Infidelity:

This type of infidelity occurs when people are in a committed relationship, but have no feelings for that person. There is no sexual desire, or love or attachment, only a sense of commitment keeps a couple together. These people justify cheating by telling themselves they have the right to look for what they are not getting in their present relationship.

It is important, for the sake of appearances that the present relationship last. The cheater does not want to be viewed as a failure so they stay in an unhappy relationship and seek to fulfill their needs outside the relationship.


That last one is just a damn shame because I know people that's been through it. It's a sad overwhelming place to be in emotionally and I've been a shoulder to cry on for a few of my close friends several times. There is nothing worse than loving someone that does not give that love back to you. People don't want to give up on a relationship they have spent their heart and soul on and yet people change. It may not be you but the other party that changes.

The bottom line is that once it's over, it's over. So don't be some damn clingy. It's very unbecoming.


He may come home to a rabbit cooking in a pot on the stove. I'm just saying...