Breaking point...

Hey now, I break more than just other peoples hopes, dreams and hearts.  I am somewhat practical at times and break real things.  Physical things.  Things that cost me money.  Not like this picture I've thrown on here of a broken beer bottle.  I didn't break that.  Plus, I don't drink beer.  It's not my thing.  I'm sure you get the point, I break things.


I have learned after years of breaking things, just to go ahead and admit it.  I'm not going to lie, at one point, I'd act just as surprised as person finding the broken item and chime in with 'wow, how did that happen?'.  That all ended the time I started laughing and couldn't pull off my serious, fake shock. 


After years of backing over holiday decorations, which clearly was not my fault. All people with garages and driveways, back out into the yard to pull out onto the street but I digress.  My, 'Maybe the wind did it' excuse only worked for so long...

One day, I swiftly pulled in to the garage and my ever so handy husband had been changing the oil on his car.  Well, if it's in my spot, I may run over it.  Why should I have to look before I park at my own house, in my own spot...right?  Well, it seems, whatever I run over and break at that point, thanks to my CSI husband, I will never be able to deny. 

Picture this:  A hard day at work...I pull in my drive, turn in to my garage and see he's been working on his car.  I run over something....back up and pretend it didn't happen.  I parked out in the driveway.  That's when I got a good look at what I had ran over.  It was his creeper.  *that's those things guys lay down on and roll under cars on*   It was warped.  I mean, tire tracks over the cushion part you lay on. Ugh.  How was I going to deny this?  Would I admit it when I walked it?  HELL NO.  So, I go in and he comes out to finish the job and I hear some mumbling.  I look out the window and he's lying on it and no matter how he adjusts his body, only 3 wheels were on the ground at a time.  Doesn't matter how many times he adjusted, it was always 3 different wheels and usually, never the same ones. 

That's when the laughter came........I laughed so hard for so long....THEN he got up and saw the tire track across the part you lay on....*ends laughter*

Then I heard...."Did you run over my creeper?"  my defense....'What's a creeper? .... It was in my parking spot'.

A weak, yet arguable defense, regardless. 

Creepers aren't always in my parking spot so why should I, of all days, think one would be there now?  Right?  ...meh

*insert many of broken things up to the current date*

Just know this, my husband is a researcher.  He studies everything when it comes to buying something.  I talking to the point of when he buys something, I'm like WTF??  He says...'oh we talked about it....' yep....like 6 months ago....


So, the other day, I decided I wanted a small frozen pizza.  Why?  Because I was lazy as hell.  I set the toaster oven to preheat and did other things...that's when I smelled it.  That smelly smell.  That smell of something in the kitchen that shouldn't be there.  The smell of plastic and wires melting.

My house isn't that small, so if something is to burn or melt, I'm not going to know about it for a while, unless the fire alarm goes off.  This was just fumes for some reason.  I go into the kitchen.

On top of my toaster oven is....the kitchen scale.  The scale that he spent weeks researching...who has the best ratings? best prices?...that's irrelevant now because

I melted the fuck out of it.

There's no saving it. I turned it on and it worked.  It was warped.  Just like the creeper.  It'd lean one way or the other.  Being a scale, I thought it may work in my favor.  Lean a little, get a little more...says it weighs less than it is...less guilt sets in....you get the picture.

But no.  

I admitted my guilt before it had a chance to even cool down. 

He came in the kitchen.  Looked at it...and threw it in the trash.

In my face.  I was appalled.

"In my face?  Just like that, you throw it in the trash in my face???"


Him....'Yep.'


...then I found the batteries he took out the next day.  It seems those were still good.

Two Tears in a Bucket

I had a chance to train 2 new employees today, one at each job.  When the one girl at my part time job asked me if I had kids and I told her my daughter would be 19 in a few weeks and that I had an 11 year old son, she almost fell out.  She said, "I thought you were 25 or 26...OMG I'm 19...you could be my mother." 

Most everyone I meet freak out when they find out how old I am.  Life is too short to act old. Trust me, I work in a cardiology office.  Some of the 'youngest' patients we have are the oldest.

I have a theory of this:  Once you hit your late 20's, fuck what other people think.  Be yourself.  Intentionally impress no one.  As I have said so many times before and I know my family is tired of hearing it...the only person that can truly make you happy is yourself.  You may love your life, your family and more but without self satisfaction, without loving yourself, without depending on 'how others feel about you' just to validate yourself, you'll never truly be happy. 

With that being said, think about this, how can anyone love a person that can't love their self as a whole?  I'm talking, flaws and all. 

Love yourself.  Accept your flaws.  To hell with what other people think.  Life is too short.  I'm 37 going on 16...a very responsible 16 year old, none the less. 

I'm far from perfect.  I accepted that a long time ago.  However, there are a few people that seem to want to remind me from time to time of my imperfections.  That's okay.  Whatever makes them feel better about themselves. 

I'd hate me too, if I were you.  The thing is, I'm not you.  My life has no time for hate.  I'm too busy loving life and myself.  It's liberating.  It's exciting.  Not to mention, entertaining. 

I'm here to entertain you...to make you laugh, to get in your head, to let you know I am not changing for anyone. As long as you are thinking of me, my job is done.

Muah!

I'm a Leo and that's reason enough

Far from a wimp, I often stand my ground in the worst of situations.  It's a weakness of mine.  It's pride and it can be a double edge sword sometimes.  I intimidate people sometimes without knowing it.  Sometimes I'm fully aware of what I'm doing.  When that's the case, well, beware. 


I like to talk. I like to entertain.  I like to start sentences with 'I'.  Sometimes, people may want to say, "Teresa, you know it isn't always about you." but they don't. 

On the few times it did happen, I promptly informed them that yes, it was all about me. 


It's the price you pay sometimes when dealing with me.  At least I'm honest, be it to a fault at times but the bottom line is I'm loyal.  I'm a good friend, at least I like to think so.  It may be years from the last time I've spoken to you but once we do talk it's as if no time has passed.  I'm a giver.  I give of myself in service when I don't have the financial means to do so.  I love to write, play music, make people laugh and love life.  I love to encourage people and when I say that I wish the best for you, I honestly mean it. 

My loyalty is with my family most of all.  Hurt one of my family members in any way (physical or emotional),  be it today or 20 years from now, you will wished you never have. In fact, I bet you'll wish you never met me. 

Then there is the flip side.  I'm melodramatic.  I'm vain.  I try not to be vain but I can't help it.  Let's say, I'm honestly vain. 

I for the most part know that people can't help what they do.  People react in different ways to different situations.  Sometimes, I'm the problem.  Most of the time it's other people's undiagnosed mental health issues that are the problem.  I am far from perfect but I am honest.  Fantasy, wizards, witchcraft and tall tales aren't honest.  Lies and deceit spewing like vile putrid vomit from the black hearts of hatred leads you into despair.

How people can live with so much hatred in their hearts and souls, I'll never know.  Maybe it's because I'm a forgiver.  I'm far from one that forgets.  Sometimes you pay the price for your past.  The check I wrote has already been cashed, has yours? 

You may want to go a head and get a job at your local hardware store so you can get a discount on supplies.  You may need them so you can build a bridge and get over it.  

It's my birthday month. Hear me rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  lol

Stupid Sh*t My Husband Says...

"Oh dear me! Why ever would a wife post something like this?"

That's because you don't have the nerve.

For the sake of the last word, my husband, whom has never blasted me online, may just start his own blog after seeing this.  I made the answers as short and to the point as I could.  No need in long drawn out discussions.  Choose your battles.  Sometimes the shortest answer is the best.

I'm often humored when someone posts a blog or Facebook status about how amazing their family is.  I think that's all well and great but the truth is that most people think you are full of...well, you know. 

He could blog for years about the stupid shit I say/do...but I digress...for once, this isn't about me.

It's about him.  Bless his heart.


Here's my top ten list for now:



1. How many pairs of black shoes do you need?

Answer:  Lots.  That should cover it.






2. We already have that so why did you buy another one?


Answer:  I if 'we' already had it, I would have found it.




3.  Did you even look for it?

Answer:  No





4. Are you helpless?

Answer:  It depends on what I want to do.





5. How many bottles of lotions should you have?

Answer:  See the first question's answer. 








6.  Do you not think we have enough scented candles?

Answer:  If I did, I wouldn't have bought another one.




7. Wine again?

Answer:  Yes





8. You told me this yesterday, why are you telling me again?

Answer:  Shut up and pretend you haven't heard it. Besides, I'm surprised you listened to begin with and see the subject of the question above. 






9. Do you have to buy something everyday?

Answer:  No.  I take Saturdays off. 







10.  Tell me again why (...fill in the current situation...)?

Answer:  I stopped listening when you got to the 'why' part.



I try to be as honest about life as I can.  I've been married so long that many potential arguments just turn into tolerance.  Don't think for a minute I turn the other cheek and let things pass that piss me off.  It's far from sad.  It's true.  That's the best part.  I can say it out loud. Your life is what you make it.  I made mine pretty damn awesome and still do. 

______________________________


I'll beat him to the punch on this one...this is probably what he would put if he had a blog titled 'Stupid Sh*t My Wife Says'


1.  Do we need a television that big?

Answer:  Yes




2. Do we need a television bigger than the last one you bought?

Answer:  Yes



3. I need another pair of black shoes (I know it's not a question).

Answer:  Seriously?  (There's your question)



4.   OMG! Why am I on side of the road?

Answer:  Did you buy gas? (*bonus* answered a question with a question)




5. Really?

Answer:  Seriously



I could go on but remember, it's not about me.

I can laugh at myself. I give you permission to laugh at me also.

Damn, another blog so soon.  I'm on a roll!

Life is good.  My family is happy.  If they aren't, I bet they won't say it to my face.  Just being real folks but I'm pretty sure they have no complaints...

I don't want to complain.  But then I open my mouth and speak.  I've been focusing more positive energy on crocheting lately.  I can work the yarn and see what I've produced.  It's better than watching television to pass the time.  My creations have often left something to be desired.  Just like the horse shoe scarf.

It's not what I expected in the end but I had a good time making it and learned a valuable lesson.  Counting is a must when it comes to crochet.  My daughter suggested I use if for public toilets.  I suggested she shut up.  All is well that ends well. 

Then the idea to make a flower came to me.  Not just a flower but a pot holder with a flower.  Completely useless.  I did learn a lot when I made it.  I learned that I really need to work on my crochet. 

I eventually got better after practice, practice, practice and made a HUGE blanket.  I was working on it at Christmas.  I had taken the part I worked on to Alabama to show my grandmother.  I told her when I finished, I'd give it to her.  Her words to me were..."I sure hope I live to see it."  I said, "I know I crochet slow but I will not be defeated by this blanket!" 

Well, I finished it like two months later and it's so big that I think it'll be easier and cheaper to drive it to her than mail it.  It's not my fault.  Maybe it is.  I just thought the pattern didn't seem big enough so I added to it.  She's still alive. I swear I have 10+ skeins in it.  (That's the term for the yarn you buy). 

Sometimes I say in my head...Skein, skein, skein, skein.  To the window to the wall...but I digress. I worked two yarns at once to make this beautifully blended blanket.  It's sits about two feet from me.  I'm a horrible granddaughter.

I ended up making some pretty cool stuff and selling some things.  Then I discovered the fine art of  amigurumi.  Well, my first piece turned out like this...

It's supposed to be a rat...


Well, I guess I'll keep on my trying.  Maybe I'll just crochet an animal with legs. 

Did your parents not love you enough to teach you these things or do you just not care?

I like to give tips to just give people a heads up on thinking about their actions, prior to acting on them.  I mean, I know the title may sound harsh but I see it this way:

1. You weren't raised well.
2. If you were raised well, you took as serious detour along the way.
3. Maybe common sense isn't as common as we think it is. 
4. I'm at a blank.  Sometimes, there is no excuse for stupid and it should hurt.

I want to start of by reminding all adults that some things aren't appropriate in public. 

• Please do not make out in public.  Please.  I bet, as an adult, you have a home to do this in or find another place besides standing in front of me at Kroger while I'm in line.  You can show affection by holding hands, having your arms around each other but don't suck each others face in front of me.  You are gross and have no manners.  Obviously, you weren't taught what proper public behavior is all about.
• PJ's   For the love of everything holy that you believe in, STOP wearing those in public.  What the hell?  Pajama pants and sometimes be passed off as just non-noticeable pants UNLESS they have snowflakes, cartoon characters and crazy designs on them.  One day, I saw a young man in complete pajamas.  Flannel, plaid, button up top and all.  To me, that screams, "I'm too damn lazy to find real clothes to present myself in public with."  Maybe I just take it too seriously but what examples are we teaching children, not just our own but others, when they see adults too lazy to wear such things. 
• Please be aware of what you say while talking on your cell phone in public.  I know I've been over this before.  Chances are, if I already question your stupidity, this confirms it.  Tonight I heard, 'Damn that light skinned bitch.  She dumb. Who she think she is?'   Wow.  Black on black racism.   Well, black on light skinned bitches racism.  I don't talk about white women by saying, "Damn that tanned skinned bitch.  I do find her intelligence quite questionable."  (To some that may sound racist, to me I have to say, get over it.  Everyone is racist and if you say you are not, you are lying.) Holy hell, I could go on about this and the countless comedians that make jokes about the way white people speak and behave but I digress...I'm not mad at them.  White folks are fucking funny sometimes.  (Case in point:  Jerry Springer's guests)
• Let's as adults all become responsible for, how should I say...being adults.  If you have to update paperwork once a year in your doctor's office, get over it.  Really, the office doesn't care if your information hasn't changed.  The office doesn't care if you get upset.  It's the doctor's ass on the line if you don't read and sign the paperwork.  It's not even anything out of the norm.  It's just plain basic common sense. However, our society is so litigious, (google it if you don't understand it), to let one tiny bit of information pass by you without your knowledge. If you sign it, you understand it.  If you refuse, well depending on what you refused, you may or may not be treated.  Don't sign a consent to treat?  You get treated by no one.     
• Stop being an asshole bully.  That may work with your wife at home or anyone else you come into contact with but remember, I have a degree in passive aggression.  I'll tell you in the nicest, most sincere way to go fuck yourself.  What are you going to do?  Complain?  Go ahead.  Make a complaint.  What are you going to say?  Nothing.  "She was really nice about telling me blah blah blah but I think she may have been rude but I'm not sure because I'm confused because she helped me and I thought I was stupid since she made me feel that way but she was right and now I have what I need..."  I know, it's a massive run on sentence but you get the point. 
• Stop letting your kids run free in public places, unless it's a park and still watch them like hawks. I don't want to hear your kid scream and cry.  For all I know, someone may be kidnapping that child but I think they are a spoiled brat. And............
• FOR GOD'S SAKE.......stop putting your children in pants that have words on the ass.  NO MATTER THEIR AGE...It's disturbing enough to see adults with that crap.  I don't think a six year old should have 'Cutie' or 'Sweet' on the ass of their pants.  Who the fuck would think that was cute?  I know who, just like you do.  I still see that crap and it's been going on for years.  I don't care if it's Victoria's Secret 'Pink' on the ass of a teenager, it's fucked up.    It's a sad paradox if you think about it.

Oh, how I could go on.  I have so much to say...yet life gets in the way sometimes.  My time is limited but my mind is unstoppable.  That is what's on brew bitches.  Just like a fresh pot of coffee first thing in the morning, I'm ready for the day.

So, sit back and think about your imprint you will leave in this world.  What will be your legacy?