I have learned after years of breaking things, just to go ahead and admit it. I'm not going to lie, at one point, I'd act just as surprised as person finding the broken item and chime in with 'wow, how did that happen?'. That all ended the time I started laughing and couldn't pull off my serious, fake shock.
After years of backing over holiday decorations, which clearly was not my fault. All people with garages and driveways, back out into the yard to pull out onto the street but I digress. My, 'Maybe the wind did it' excuse only worked for so long...
One day, I swiftly pulled in to the garage and my ever so handy husband had been changing the oil on his car. Well, if it's in my spot, I may run over it. Why should I have to look before I park at my own house, in my own spot...right? Well, it seems, whatever I run over and break at that point, thanks to my CSI husband, I will never be able to deny.
Picture this: A hard day at work...I pull in my drive, turn in to my garage and see he's been working on his car. I run over something....back up and pretend it didn't happen. I parked out in the driveway. That's when I got a good look at what I had ran over. It was his creeper. *that's those things guys lay down on and roll under cars on* It was warped. I mean, tire tracks over the cushion part you lay on. Ugh. How was I going to deny this? Would I admit it when I walked it? HELL NO. So, I go in and he comes out to finish the job and I hear some mumbling. I look out the window and he's lying on it and no matter how he adjusts his body, only 3 wheels were on the ground at a time. Doesn't matter how many times he adjusted, it was always 3 different wheels and usually, never the same ones.
That's when the laughter came........I laughed so hard for so long....THEN he got up and saw the tire track across the part you lay on....*ends laughter*
Then I heard...."Did you run over my creeper?" my defense....'What's a creeper? .... It was in my parking spot'.
A weak, yet arguable defense, regardless.
Creepers aren't always in my parking spot so why should I, of all days, think one would be there now? Right? ...meh
*insert many of broken things up to the current date*
Just know this, my husband is a researcher. He studies everything when it comes to buying something. I talking to the point of when he buys something, I'm like WTF?? He says...'oh we talked about it....' yep....like 6 months ago....
So, the other day, I decided I wanted a small frozen pizza. Why? Because I was lazy as hell. I set the toaster oven to preheat and did other things...that's when I smelled it. That smelly smell. That smell of something in the kitchen that shouldn't be there. The smell of plastic and wires melting.
My house isn't that small, so if something is to burn or melt, I'm not going to know about it for a while, unless the fire alarm goes off. This was just fumes for some reason. I go into the kitchen.
On top of my toaster oven is....the kitchen scale. The scale that he spent weeks researching...who has the best ratings? best prices?...that's irrelevant now because
I melted the fuck out of it.
There's no saving it. I turned it on and it worked. It was warped. Just like the creeper. It'd lean one way or the other. Being a scale, I thought it may work in my favor. Lean a little, get a little more...says it weighs less than it is...less guilt sets in....you get the picture.
But no.
I admitted my guilt before it had a chance to even cool down.
He came in the kitchen. Looked at it...and threw it in the trash.
In my face. I was appalled.
"In my face? Just like that, you throw it in the trash in my face???"
Him....'Yep.'
...then I found the batteries he took out the next day. It seems those were still good.
